Hi, my name is Sara and I am a man hunter or a hopeless romantic as I prefer to call it. Someone once called me a branch swinger; a person that sits on one branch until the next best thing comes along. Not to be taken literally as if all the men I get with have a branch for me to sit on. Most of them had something more like a twig or slightly bent to the left vine if you catch my drift. I’ve been dating boys since my first period. They say girls that are promiscuous from a young age typically don’t have a father figure in their life. That’s not really my case. I had a dad and he was a pretty good dad. He had a bad temper and didn’t really care what I was doing as long as he didn’t have to be involved but I never felt like he would abandon me or hurt me. I grew up in a home with 2 parents that hated each other on a lot days and loved each other in the most obscured way. I think they stayed together for me and they did the best they could do. What I am saying is that my upbringing doesn’t have anything to do with my man issues.
I relate to the song Clumsy by Fergie on a personal level. I've always wanted to be the girl that can casually date or just be single but every time I get out of one relationship the love bug jumps right back up and bites me. Typically I don't chose terrible guys either. I've dated a few dogs but for the most part I am pretty good a choosing pure breeds. What this all boils down to is that I am addicted to relationships.
I guess my problem is that I am awkward at casual dating, I suck at relationships but most importantly I hate being single. Now that I am on my 234th failed relationship (exaggerated for shock appeal and humor) I am flat out exhausted. I am tired of bringing guys around my family only to explain a few months later that I didn't like the way he ate with his fork backwards so I had to end it. I am tired of settling for the next one to assure I won't be lonely. I don't want to try to make it work even though I know it's not what I really want. I've been in such a rush to find the perfect guy that I've overlooked all the obvious flaws they have.
I've always been pretty certain I can tweak a guy to make him perfect for me. Sure, he might be too attached to his mom, doesn't listen to any of the music I listen to, cries regularly and hates all my friends but I was always willing to ignore red flags. But I'm not going to do that anymore. Why? Because I don't wanna.
Here's the kicker though, I think I am falling in love right now. But this time it's with myself. This isn't a woman's empowerment speech, I've always loved the fuck out of myself. I think I am hilarious and witty and kind and cute and... I'll stop there, you get it, I love myself.
What I mean by this is that I am not fixing anymore guys. I am living my life and if someone wants to join it they are more than welcome but I will not be changing for them or trying to change them. The next relationship I get into is going to be straight up, perfect. I know this because I am not settling anymore. I've settled for some pretty terrible reasons. I once moved in with a guy I knew wasn't right because I really liked his bathtub. For the record, I still really miss that tub. Anyway, I know I am far from perfect. I know I have been a bit of a fixer upper as well. However, I think that if it's right then there is no fixing required. I know there is no such thing as perfection but I want to get pretty damn close.
I am not going to have a list of "must haves" in a guy. I am just going to float around until there is someone that is so awesome I can't help but be with them. It's time I start living life for myself and I think a lot of people need to hear this. Be grateful for who you are, even if you don't love yourself yet. Be true to yourself and stop settling for things. Not just relationships but everything. Stop settling for shit jobs. Stop sticking up for friends that don't do the same for you. If you don't like your roommate, move out. Stop buying clothes that don't fit just because they are on sale. Stop doing things that don't make you riotously happy.
Start loving yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment