First off I should start by saying sorry. I am sorry I wasn't ready for love and never gave you what you deserved. I know all you wanted to do was give me the world and I broke yours down. There was a time in our life when everything was easy but when things got tough I backed out. I got scared and I ran away.
I wasn't looking for love when I met you and I had built a pretty sturdy wall that took years for you to break. For a while that was comforting but as the last bricks started to crumble I began building my wall again. Little did you know I was building this wall back up while you were trying to grow with me. Slowly I started blaming you for all of our mishaps, ignoring you when you needed me the most and pushed you away until I thought you would leave. But, you didn't. Not for a day, not for a second. You told everyone I was going through a "funk" and I would come out of it. Turns out, it wasn't a funk, it was me backtracking because I was scared. Scared to love you and more scared for you to love me.
Over and over again I have done this to myself. I let people in quickly to the surface of my life but the minute they begin to dig in I dart in the other direction. Maybe it's a character flaw of mine, maybe it's something that can't be fixed but I want you to know that I am sorry for dragging you into my mess.
Thank you for always loving me when I pushed you away. When I told you not to call me anymore you told me you would marry me one day. When I quit texting you back because I was "busy" you told me you would wait for me. Thank you for being so patient with me even though all I did was hurt you.
I know my actions hurt you and for the first time I am willing to admit this is my fault. I should have never blamed you. You did call me enough, you did compliment me enough and you were everything I ever needed. My walls are built even taller now with each person I let in and then push away and that is my own battle I will need to fight.
That being said, I want you to know that you ARE good enough. There is someone out there that will let you into their life- all of their raw, beautiful life. I am not bitter that you moved on and I hope she can treat you better. I hope I haven't caused you to build a wall because you deserve the most virtuous kind of love. Keep giving your love out and someone will give it back. I want nothing more than to see you succeed and be happy. My only regret is leading you on for so many years to think you had solved the puzzle I gave you. Don't let this ruin you. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
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